10 things not to say to your church pianist

February 22, 2010 - By 

Here’s a list of ten things you probably shouldn’t say to your church pianist, whether or not they’re true.

  1. That song was one of my favorites. What was the name of it, again?

  2. You play like a man.

  3. Thanks for your offertory. It gave me just enough time to read the church bulletin from cover to cover.

  4. You did a great job. Did you ever take piano lessons?

  5. I would give my left arm to be able to play like you.

  6. That was the best you’ve ever played. I only heard a few mistakes.

  7. Did you sneak a Paul McCartney tune in your prelude?

  8. How exactly did your song selection fit with the rest of the worship service?

  9. I’m dizzy after hearing you play all those notes!

  10. You sounded much better when I turned off my hearing aids.

Can you add to this list? What else should be left unsaid regarding church pianists?

James Koerts serves as the worship pastor of Mikado Baptist Church in Macon, Georgia. In addition to his full time responsibilities at the church, James is also a published composer and arranger.

Posted In:  Church Music Ministry
  • “I really liked that song. When I die, would you play that at my funeral?”

  • “I feel sorry for the piano after that number.”

  • I have to disagree with one of those. Being a man, I find it a compliment when I get the “play like a man” comment. In fact, I get that often from several members of our congregation. It helps me know that I’m differentiated from the ladies that play.

  • Paul, I have to agree… it’s not such a bad thing if people tell “male” pianists they play like a man. As far as I can tell, I think what they mean is we play with a stronger touch. Anyone else know what it means exactly?

  • “You sounded so much better this week!”

  • Ditto, Paul. Never found it a handicap to play like a man.

  • Church member: “I heard you’re moving away this week.”
    Church Pianist: “Yes, we’re moving out of town.”
    Member: “We’ll miss you.”
    Pianist: “I’m sure you folks will get somebody better than me.”
    Memember: “I doubt that. That’s what they said the last time.”

  • I’m certain it’s not you. The piano probably needs tuning.

  • For the special music singer “Hey, can we go up a half step here, then a whole step here?”

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